Well it’s the beginning of the week leading up to Thanksgiving. This was one of those holidays I had originally planned to skip and indulge myself in sadness, gloom and despair. Instead I have purchased a turkey and all the necessary components. I’ve decided, of all things, to cook it myself. I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.
It will be a full table with family and friend. The only missing and most important ingredient will be you. I’m sure the food will turn out fine. We’ll laugh and enjoy each others company.
It’s still difficult for me to embrace the reality of this first holiday without you. We made it through your birthday although to be honest it was not a good day for me. I can’t speak for everyone else in our family but I can guess that no one felt particularly happy that day.
I want to give thanks in the spirit of the holiday. I realize that there is much to be thankful for. Part of the challenge is not letting losing you negate all the other blessings in our lives. I guess that is always the case. No matter how much good is going on, there is always enough bad to tip the scale in the other direction. Most of the time we can take a day like Thanksgiving and focus on the good.
I will do my best not to be, as you used to say, a Schleprock. For those of you who don’t know who that is you can Google it. Of course now that I have made the commitment to celebrate, there is a fine line between doing things my own way and still keeping with how you would have done it if you were here. You were always the leader of the holidays. You brought them in and closed them out. We want to feel as much as possible that you are here with us.
After dinner you always put the Christmas tree up and decorated it along with the kids. I just sat and watched. I liked the finished product but not the process. You brought everyone together and were the center of things. You decorated, shopped and made it all festive. I’m rather lost now as I enter into this without you. We will do our best to take over the holiday preparations but we are not you and it’s not possible to take your place. We don’t want things to change too much and for the Holiday to be as much the same as if you were here.
We will do our best to make it through this. As you watch from where you are, know that you are in our hearts as we carry on.